More Good Stuff from People's Cube

All good stuff from the People's Cube:

A new civil rights group is fighting a shameful practice: bag searches in the New York City subways that are infringing on the rights of suicide bombers to kill and maim hundreds of New Yorkers. The group that calls itself Jihadists Against Bag Searches distributed flyers today to straphangers (image, left), warning them of the erosion of civil liberties in America.

Dressed in oversized trench coats and carrying heavy backpacks, the group members asked the New Yorkers a simple yet disarming question: "Is this the country you really want to live in, if it profiles a minorit that has blown up cars, buildings, buses, trains, and airplanes in the past?"
"They're right," a concerned young lawyer told our correspondent." With so many people entering the subway, how can we be sure that the searches are absolutely random? There's a big chance it's all a cover-up for profiling minorities. If the police succeeds in preventing them from blowing me up on the train, it will be the end of my civil liberties. I better send another big check to ACLU - that is, if I don't wind up with both of my arms torn off in a blast."

"We are not yet a Muslim nation, so aggressive police behavior won't yield world sympathy," said a female middle-aged financial analyst as she nervously packed her bag after being searched." As a Western power that places reason above emotions, we need to suffer more in order to have the world like us again - and for that I am willing to meet a horrible end with a dozen rusty bolts sticking out of my forehead."

Jihadists Against Bag Searches were accompanied by ACLU observers to ensure that they are not harassed by the police or right-wing extremists. One such accident was recorded at a subway stop next to the former World Trade Center site, in which a rambling right-winger allegedly whispered, "Islamofascists had better not act up too much, or else our Hollywood will come out with more crappy movies about the menace of neo-Nazis, Christian Crusaders and the Mossad." The man has been arrested and faces charges of hate speech, harassment, and an attempt to provoke an international conflict. ACLU dispatched their best lawyers to this case and will monitor it to make sure that the perpetrator receives maximum punishment possible under the circumstances.