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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

New Emergency Phone Information

Statement from the White House: Please discontinue phoning 911 in emergencies.

In the wake of grumbling about the poor quality of local and state government response in the preparation, planning and execution of disaster relief post Hurricane Katrina, the federal government today is issuing the following order:

Please do not phone traditional emergency services should your house catch fire or you are in need of emergency services. It is apparent that the first responders charged with responsibilty for providing those services in many areas of the country are unable to meet your needs.

We suggest that should you have an emergency, you contact the White House immediately at this number: 202-456-1414. We have President Bush standing by to take your call. Should he need to go to the bathroom or sleep from time to time, Laura or Dick Cheney will be filling in.

We don't recommend you phone your local or state governments for help, unless those governments are headed up by Republicans, such as Governor Barber of Mississippi, who thus far seems to be pretty darn competant when it comes to handling a crisis and saving the lives of his poorest and weakest citizens.
(Oh, and in case you are a complete ignorant boob, or a devotee of Michael Moore (same thing) the above is a SATIRE!)

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